Stalkalicious

Zis is a send back. I wrote it YEARS ago. And it made me laugh. So I'm moving it


Do you ever facebook stalk for a while, wonder who someone is and then take ten minutes to realise that you made out with them one cold winter night after downing 5 shots of smirnoff vodka and a half a bottle of baileys?

no?

just me then?

Then again, Joanna just mentioned deleting friends that you don't talk to, and here's why you don't do that. Step away from the defriend button. Do it. It's good for you.

1. When you have boring summers such as I do, looking through everyone's facebook pictures of people that you haven't seen or talked to in 4 years is a highly enjoyable experience.
It brings up fun topics like:
wow, glad I'm not that fat.
wow, She's a hoebag
wow, how did I crush on you
wow, you scare me lots
wow, why are you commenting on everything I ever do after meeting you once? please run with scissors.


2. If they find OUT that you deleted them, such as many of the wonderful people in the CA Graduating class ahead of me who i WANT to see what hoes they are and can't stalk because they defriended me and they would be really fun to stalk cus they probably have lots of bastard children, ugly men and stds!
3. It makes it seem like you have friends - cus you do. Literally.
4. Party ideas
5. Opportunity to rekindle good relationships - or avoid creepers.
such as, Heyy I remember you, you were a terrible kisser and you smelled like shrimp cocktail, runnn awaaaaay
6. They have such fun pictures that you can show off at any given moment to prove how psychotic people in the world are.

Then again...
When middle schoolers, whose HS graduating date is after my University graduating date add me on fb and i have never seen them before add me. Die. Bitches.

Bitches.

In Conclusion.
I heart facebook stalking. Although, truth be told, it can be unhealthy.

oh and ps, when some random whore that you've never heard before follows you on twitter and they're following 60,000 other people, but have one tweet and 20 followers... ALERTALERTALERT STRANGERDANGERSTRANGERDANGER